THIS is me…(20)

By: Sarah Ann Walker

Opening my eyes slowly, I prepare for the newest person to invade my space. Looking, I see the woman again with the atrocious Brooklyn accent. Sitting beside me in a chair, she looks so happy to see me awake. Ugh... here we go again.

“Good morning, Suzanne. How are you feeling?”

“I'm fine. Why?”

“I'm just checking. Why do you seem so agitated? What's wrong?”

“I'm not agitated. I just don't know you, and you keep talking to me like I DO know you, and I don't. That's all. Why are you here again?”

“I'm here because we're friends and I've missed you. And because I wanted to see you when you woke up. I wanted to try to talk to you before the others arrived.” The others?

“Um, okay, I don't mean to be rude, but why do you keep saying that? I told you before that I don't know you. I told you that before, like yesterday, or last night I think, but you keep saying that I do know you, but I'm not your friend. I don't even know you, I'm sorry.”

Wow, I really do feel frustrated and tired and kind of angry at her or something.

“Please listen to me, Suzanne. I promise you DO know me. You just have to remember me. You know me very well and we're very close friends. You stayed in my apartment in Manhattan. We went shopping, and I even lent you my car, which I never lend to anyone. We are friends- very close friends actually, I promise. Just trust me, okay?”

“I do apologize, but I don't remember you and I don't trust you. Again, I don't mean to be rude, but would you mind if I had a little privacy?”

“Oh god... Please Suzanne. You sound like her again. You are all polite and reserved, and actually kind of annoying sounding.”

Seriously? “Can't you just tell me to leave you the fuck alone? Or tell me to get the fuck out. Or even tell me to fuck off! Just please, tell me something!” Wow. What?

“I'm sorry, but I don't speak that way. And I don't want to be rude to you, but please give me a little privacy. Do you know where my husband is?”

“Suzanne, you DO speak that way now if you want to. You say ‘fuck’ now if you want to, and you say ‘shit’ a lot. Actually, you mumble ‘shit’ all the time and it's very cute coming from you. You say bad words out loud now, Suzanne. You do, I promise. You aren't like your old self anymore, I swear. You are fun and silly and cute, and even a little sarcastic, thanks to me and Kayla. You are fun Suzanne, and I miss you. Do you remember any of this?”

“I'm sorry-”

“STOP SAYING ‘I'M SORRY’!” Flinch. “Sorry. I’m sorry, it’s just you worked too hard to stop saying sorry to everyone all the time. You have changed, Suzanne. You're really different now. Do you remember? Do you remember changing? You aren't her anymore. You are Suzanne now.” Wow, as if I don't know my own name.

Staring at me, this woman seems to be waiting for something. What does she want from me? Actually, she seems kind of crazy and confused. I think she must be crazy. She doesn't know me, and she doesn't know what I say or do. She must be delusional, I think. I wonder what I can do to get her out of my room.

“Please, Suzanne… remember me. Just try to remember. I'm tied with the other Kayla as your second-place best friends. We’re tied in second- me and Kayla. We’re your two Kaylas. Please remember me if you can- just a little.”

When she bursts into tears, I think I feel bad for her. She looks so lovely, but kind of gross when she cries. I definitely feel bad for her because it's clear that she's TOTALLY insane. I’m pretty sure I don't feel scared of her though, just bad for her.

I wish I could help her. She obviously needs help, but I'm not sure what to do for her. Where is a doctor? Maybe a doctor can get her out of my room. Maybe a doctor can help her. Maybe I should page a doctor to my room for her.

“Um, excuse me, but do you have someone you can talk to? Do you have a doctor who can maybe help you a little? Maybe if you find your doctor he can help you find your friend,” I whisper, so she won't get mad at me again.

“A doctor? You’re trying to get me a doctor? You have no idea how fucking funny that is under the circumstances, I realize. But it IS quite funny. I don't need a doctor Suzanne, but you obviously do. You don't know anything, do you?”