THIS is me…(18)

By: Sarah Ann Walker

Looking hard at him, I try to remember. He is very handsome. He's dark haired with lovely eyes, hazel greenish-brown I think. He has a warm smile and he doesn't look mean at all. I wish I could remember him because he looks like a nice person to know.

“I'm sorry...” I mumble shaking my head.

“That's alright, Suzanne. There’s no need to apologize. You’ve just woken up, so you probably need a little time for the memories to come back to you.”

“Um, okay. Sorry that I don't remember you.”

“Please, Suzanne, don't apologize. Everything is going to be alright, and you're going to get better. I'm sure your memory will return to you shortly. We'll just talk a little, and see what you do remember. Is that okay with you?”

“Sure. But where's Marcus? Is he here?”

When the doctor looks all confused again and kind of mad at me, I'm scared that I'm making him angry with me. Shaking his head slightly, he puts on a horribly fake smile, and lies to me. Somehow, I can tell. I'm not sure how I can tell, but I totally can.

“Marcus was here earlier, but he had to leave for a little while. I'm sure he'll be back as soon as he can though. Do you remember seeing him when you woke up?”

“No. He was here? Why did he leave me when I woke up?”

Smiling, the doctor says, “Marcus was overwhelmed when you finally woke up, so he just needed some time to collect himself. Everything's fine though. I'm sure he'll be back as soon as he can.”

I don't know what’s happening here. Why would Marcus want me awake, but then leave when I wake up? That doesn't make any sense.

“Was he mad at me?” I whisper.

“No. Not at all, Suzanne. Marcus was just emotional when you woke up. You've been asleep for quite a while now, and I’m sure he didn’t think you would wake up today, so he was a little shocked, that's all.”

“Why was I sleeping? I remember dreaming forever. It was the longest night of my life, I think. Oh! Where am I?”

“You're in a hospital in Chicago, where you've been asleep for some time. Everything's going to be fine though. You're well, and you should recover fully.”

“Recover from what? Why was I asleep?”

Okay, that totally sounded like I was slurring my words or something. I heard that. I was all slurry and sleepy sounding. It's like I'm drunk but not really. Weird. Maybe I'm just hearing myself oddly, like you do on an answering machine or something. You know, you hear your voice but it doesn’t sound like your voice, or… oh!

This is very strange for me. I know there's more going on- I know it. I don't feel like I was asleep but I DO remember dreaming, which means I must have been asleep, right? God, this is so confusing, and I already feel really exhausted again.

“Are you feeling tired? You seem to be having a hard time speaking at the moment. Would you like to have a little rest? I could come back in an hour or so, and we could talk more then, if you'd like.”

“Okay, thank you, um, Doctor.” Shit! What was his name?

“I'm Mack. Your doctor and friend Mack. Remember what I told you, Suzanne? Do you remember me telling you my name a few minutes ago? Do you remember me telling you I'm Mack?”

“Yes, of course. Um, do I call you Mack? Or Dr. Mack? Is that your last name? I'm sorry; I don't want to be rude to you. What would you like me to call you?”

Looking at me for a few intense seconds, the doctor seems to be thinking of what to say to me. This is so weird. I mean really, it's just a name. What the hell is the problem here? Is it because I'm talking weird and my voice is extra deep and sleepy sounding, and just totally weird in my head?

“My name is Dr. Michael MacDonald, but you've always called me Mack.”

When? When did I call him Mack? Shit. I think this guy is crazy. I've never met him before in my life. And, as if I'd ever call a doctor by a nick-name. That’s just so tacky and disrespectful and juvenile. I would NEVER do that.

“Well, it's been a pleasure to meet you Dr. MacDonald.” When he suddenly flinches, I think I'm in trouble for something. Shit! “Um, I'm sorry. What do you want me to call you?”

“Dr. MacDonald is fine, Suzanne. Just relax. I'll come back soon and check on you. Is that alright?”