THIS is me…(12)

By: Sarah Ann Walker

“Suzanne, I love you. I really do love you, you know? Please don't listen to them. And please don't listen to their lies. I’m not doing this to hurt you; I'm doing this FOR you.”

When there is silence again, I think Marcus has left. God, I desperately want to talk to him, because everything around me is so confusing all the time.

“I know what you did, and I know what you've done, but I'm not angry anymore. I'm really not. I love you Suzanne, so I'm doing this for you. They don't know you, but I do. I know what you want because we talked about it before. We talked about all the things we would and wouldn't do for each other. We talked about when you wanted me to help you and when you wanted me to let you go. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm letting you go now.”

When I hear Marcus start crying, I feel devastated for him. Marcus doesn't cry, and Marcus isn't mean. He's a bit of an ass, but he's never really mean. I wish I could wake up and tell him it's going to be alright. I wish I could tell him I trust him. I know he's doing the right thing, because I know he isn't mean. I know it.

“Suzanne, loving you has been the greatest burden of my life.” What?! “Loving you has been hell. I have loved you and hated you from the moment I met you, but I've always loved you more. I loved you even when it hurt to just look at you. I've loved you even when you hurt me so badly, I cried from the pain...

“But I always believed in the dream, you know? Even when things were really bad. Even when you were really bad, I always believed you and I would be okay. I believed in you, even when I should have stopped believing in you a long time ago. And now look what you've done.”

Oh, god. I've never heard Marcus say words like this. He NEVER says words like this. Marcus thinks people are too dramatic and sappy, so he never says words like these. He hates shows of emotion, and yet here he is. God, he sounds so sad.

“Suzanne, it's only ever going to be you, you know? I'm going to love you always. Especially after.”

Oh, Marcus.

I think my heart is breaking for him. I wish I knew what was happening so I could apologize and make it all better for him.

If I could just speak to him, I would promise to try harder. I would promise to be better. I would promise to be good... If only I could speak to him.



How the hell do I wake up? This guy keeps asking me to wake up, but I'm not even sure if I'm asleep, or like dead or something. I'm not really sure if I'm even alive, so how the hell do I wake up?

My body is all floaty and painful and warm. And I'm kind of gaggy or something. Even my brain feels floaty. I'm not sure where I am or if I'm even here, so how do I wake up?


“Suzanne, its Kayla. You know me- I’m Kayla Rinaldi from New York. You know my voice. You know my charming New York accent.” Charming? “I know you remember me. I'm unforgettable, remember? I'm gorgeous, and funny, and smartasstic, and sexy as hell, and good in bed, and really, really freakin' tall... Remember?”

I am so tired of these strangers talking to me all the time. I'm so tired of trying to figure out who they are. God, what can I do to shut them up?

And why does she want me to know she's so tall? Why the hell do I care if she's tall? Why do I need to know that? Who gives a shit?!

Why do all tall people feel the need to tower over us vertically challenged individuals? Why do they always lean over us and talk down to us?

Why do all tall men treat us shorter people like we're less than they are- demanding and taking from us because we couldn't possibly fight their power and height?

Why do tall women always wear high-heels? It's not like they even need them. Why do they do that? They already know they're tall. They already know they have an advantage. They know they can succeed where we shorter people can't. And yet they wear their heels and flaunt their longer, leaner bodies, and all the success they attain because they had a height advantage to start them off. They even flaunt their tallness to men in a way we shorter women could never do.

I really think I hate tall people. Is that weird? I wonder why I actually hate them. I don't know but I'm pretty sure it's hate, or maybe it's fear. I'm not sure. But I don't like tall people.