THIS is me…(11)

By: Sarah Ann Walker

What did I do? What the hell did I do? How is he going to kill me?

“Suzanne never meant to hurt you, she-”

“But she did.”

“I know she did. But Marcus, you know she tried. You know she tried to be your wife again. She tried so hard, but she couldn't try anymore. She didn't want that for herself but more importantly, she didn't want that for you.”

“That's a lie, Kayla. It wasn't about me; it was about Suzanne wanting someone else.” What?!

“Marcus, THAT'S not true. Suzanne didn't want someone else- she wanted a different life. But she DID try. She tried so hard to be with you. She tried to fulfill the fantasy for you. Suzanne was heartbroken over hurting you. She NEVER wanted to hurt you. She didn't want to hurt anyone, but especially you.”

“But she did.”

How? What did I do?

“Yes, she did hurt you. Is that why you want her dead now?”. WHAT?!

“Oh, god... How could you think that?”

“I don't know you Marcus, so I have to ask. Are you sure you really want to just let Suzanne go, or do you want to maybe hurt her? Even just a little? Um, maybe you want your revenge this way?”

What revenge? Oh my god. What did I do to Marcus?

“I don't want revenge anymore. I WAS angry before. God, I was so pissed off at her for so long. I felt betrayed and embarrassed by what she did. I stood by her for so long, for so many years, I can’t even count them. I was her first boyfriend, her husband, and then her first lover. I tried so hard for so long to love her like she needed, but it was always so hard with her. Everything with Suzanne is just so hard all the time. Being with Suzanne is just exhausting.”

“I know. Loving Suzanne is awful- I DO know that. I'm exhausted by her- by loving her, and I haven't had even a tenth of the time you have with her. But you can let go now. You can be free of Suzanne. I'm giving you the choice Suzanne doesn't have.”

“That's what I'm doing.”

“Are you?”

“No! Not like that- That's not what I meant. I just mean, she's gone now so I'm going to let her go. I'm going to let her body go, like she wants. She told me.”

“But I want to keep her for a little while longer. I'll take care of her, I promise. Can I have her, Marcus?”

“No. Suzanne is mine. She's MY wife. Suzanne is still mine for now, and I'll take care of her to the end.”

“Marcus, please... Suzanne isn't yours anymore. You KNOW that. We have the letter. We know she left you. YOU know she left you. Marcus, just let her go so you can be free of all this, and I'll take good care of her. I love her, and I’m a nurse, so I'll take good care of her until she wakes up, I promise.”

“She's not going to wake up this time, she's-”

“Yes, she is.”

“I don't want to talk about this anymore. I would really like you to leave now. Please leave, um, before I ask Security to make you leave.”


“No. It's done, Kayla. Please get out of this room. Please leave now.”

“Marcus, I just want to talk with you a little-”

“Mack has already spoken with me and I know how the rest of you feel, but it's my decision. It's my choice because I'm her husband, and it's done.”

“Marcus, you may legally be her husband, but you're not-”

“I AM her husband. Even the Judge said I was. So please leave.”

“Can I just talk to Suzanne a little?”

“NOW, Kayla. Get out of here NOW! You aren't going to stop this. So get the fuck away from me, right now! I want to spend a little time with my wife. Alone.”

“Okay, I'll leave but please calm down. I'm going to go but I'll talk to you later?”

“It doesn't matter anymore Kayla. I don't care if I ever see any of you people again. Nothing would have ever happened if Suzanne hadn't met any of you people. Nothing would have changed for us. Nothing!”

“Marcus, I-”

“Get out Kayla. Now.”


As my dream is bathed in silence, I feel like I can finally exhale. What did I do? I can't think of anything I did to make Marcus want to hurt me. I did everything right, or at least I tried really hard to do everything right. I always tried so hard to be good for Marcus. What the hell did I do wrong? How is he going to let me go?