Knight:A Club Alias Novel(16)

By: K.D. Robichaux

“Fuck no, I’m not ashamed of you. And I couldn’t care less what anyone thinks at the club. I’ve never fucked anyone there anyway,” he growls.

I allow myself to absorb his words and let them fill me with the love I know he feels for me, but only for a moment before I shoo them away. It’s just enough to get me through the self-imposed loneliness I feel every moment of every day. I know he wants to be with me. I’d give anything to be with him too. But I can’t. The second I were to finally give in to our feelings for each other would be the second he signed his own death certificate.

He doesn’t know the reason I keep him at a distance. He has no idea why I give him my body, my 100 percent devotion, everything but the title and the pretty words that go along with it. It’s the one thing I’ve never shared with him. In the eleven years we’ve been best friends, we’ve never once kept secrets from each other. But I’ve never revealed my darkest truth. Because it would be pointless. He’d only try to convince me it was all in my head, and I’d end up giving in like last time, and then I’d lose the one person in this world I could never live without.

“What did y’all talk about today?” I ask curiously, packing the last of my toiletries.

“I told him about the day the IED went off. And then about the first few days after, when you took care of me at the hospital.”

“The Cliff’s Notes, or like… did you tell him everything?” I smirk, wishing I could’ve been there to hear Brian tell the story. I’d love to know what he remembers from that time over a decade ago. I wonder if he recalls every single detail of every single second like I do.

“I spent two hours recalling two days. The day of the IED, and then the day I started remembering what happened,” he tells me, and I put a dreamy look on my face.

“Ah, the best shower of my entire life. Who knew it could feel that good just to wash sweat and dirt off your stanky body?”

“I remember it feeling good for an entirely different reason,” he says low, and I glance at my phone to see him smiling to himself as he uses his pocketknife to clean out from under his fingernails.

“You told him about that?” I question, surprised he was willing to share something so personal with one of his guy friends.

“What? That you caught me cranking one out? Yeah.” He shrugs. “I made a deal with him. You can come to the club as my guest, which is normally not allowed, but you still have to do the sessions. We both have to spill our guts to Doc. It’s our number one rule that’s nonnegotiable. By me telling him all this shit, let that be a clue of how much I want you to come with me.” Panic fills me for a moment, but then he chuckles, distracting me. “You should’ve seen his face. I’ve never seen Doc shocked before. When I told him who you were to me, he said he thought I was gay.”

I throw my head back and laugh so hard tears start to escape the outer corners of my eyes. “Are you serious?” I get out, trying to catch my breath.

“Told you, babe. None of them have ever seen me with a woman. Not once. In all the missions I’ve done and you met me on, they never knew you were there. You were my little secret. I had you all to myself,” he says warmly.

“You seemed to like it that way. You sure you don’t want to keep me hidden away?” I ask, half hoping he’ll have a change of heart so I don’t have to talk to Doc.

“Negative. Because the only thing that could be better than you as my secret lover would be you on my arm, getting to show you off at my club. I can already picture everyone’s faces. The shock that I’m there with anyone to begin with. And then the absolute jealousy that you’re not there with them instead.”

I love how honest he is with me. He shares every thought that enters his head. Except for anything delving too close to love. I’ve trained him well. He knows I’ll shut down if he talks about it. Lust, on the other hand… lust I can handle.

“I like it when you get all caveman, Bri. You’re pretty damn hot,” I tell him, reaching for my sleep tee. I slip it on over my head, letting it fall to midthigh. “I do have a question for you though.”