The Polanski Brothers: Home of Eternal Rest

By: Dakota Cassidy

Chapter One

“Holy Mary, mother of all things undead! You are in some piss poor shape, buddy. I bet you stink!” Joy Polanski said to the partially deteriorated body on her embalming table as she wrinkled her nose. Of course she wouldn’t know that because she couldn’t smell.

Not a fucking thing. Not even a hint of a whiff.

So how were you supposed to find your lifemate if you were a vampire who couldn’t smell? It was rather ludicrous if she gave it much thought, but Joy didn’t think about it. It would make her crazier than she already was. She chose to remain deaf, dumb and scentless to her quandary, thank you. Who needed to smell your Prince Charming anyway? He’d just have to sniff her out.


Soon -- please… Otherwise it was going to be a very long, sexless eternity.

No one had to remind Joy Polanski that she wasn’t like all of the rest of her little vampire friends. She got plenty of ribbing from her so-called family members at the parlor.

Funeral parlor that is.

Family owned and run since -- well, since the beginning of funeral parlors, she figured. It was an easy source of blood due to the fact that each body had to be drained of all fluids and, no, there was absolutely no sucking on cadavers. That would be disrespectful in Joy’s father’s opinion. Their clients were already dead and no small animals were hurt during the making of embalming fluid. Plus, it was kind of convenient to have a coffin at the ready if you needed a nap. However, vampires didn’t really sleep in coffins. Well, not Joy’s clan anyway.

Owning a funeral parlor was a good job for a vampire. Most of their duties were Dakota Cassidy

The Polanski Brothers: Home of Eternal Rest

at night like wakes and such and it was when death occurred most prevalently in the small town of Easton. Population ten thousand and four, home of one of only three funeral homes in the entire area. Almost all of the cases they handled were people who’d died of natural causes.

Business was good. They’d built a solid reputation by fair practices and genuine concern for their clients. Everyone came to Polanski Brothers because of the special attention to detail and the family atmosphere her father took such pride in. And Joy --

who cared about the families of the people she embalmed.

“Hey, vampire. Who the hell is that?” Joy’s cousin Andrew poked his head around the corner of the embalming room and gagged. “Christ, he smells. Good thing you can’t, eh?” Embalming involved horrific smells and the need for plenty of ventilation, hence Joy was the logical, non-working nasal, choice.

Joy narrowed her eyes at his handsome frame and gave him the look of death --

or a facsimile thereof because of course, vampires were already dead. “Don’t you have a grave to dig?”

“Nope, got nuthin’ but time on my hands.” He smiled smugly. “So who is this guy?”

Joy grabbed the clipboard left with her by the medical examiners and scanned it.

“Alan Perkins. Thirty-four. Found three weeks ago in a wooded area just off I-36. He’s been on ice. Coroners figure he was dead about three days before they found him.

Cause of death… aw, shit!”

Andrew’s smile turned to a frown. “What’s wrong?”

“He killed himself. You don’t see that too often around here, at least not in the five years or so we’ve been in Easton. Crap, that really sucks. He was a young guy.” Joy lifted Alan’s arm and saw the wounds on his wrist.

“Not compared to you he wasn’t.”

“Shut up, Andrew! You’re older than me by a hundred years.”

“Maybe so, but at least I can smell. You need to stop hanging around dead people, Joy.”

Dakota Cassidy

The Polanski Brothers: Home of Eternal Rest

Smelling was highly overrated in Joy’s opinion. At the very least she might have been given an extra “vampire sense” or two as compensation for her lack of scent.

“Then that would rule out almost everyone I know, including you, butthead.” Joy flipped Andrew the bird and set about making a small incision to inject disinfectant into Alan’s body, his blood and gases having safely been removed. She always used great care when handling any body, thinking often what it might be like if it were her own family member. Of course, her family members didn’t die, not unless there was a rare case of garlic OD.