The Devils Baby(3)

By: Cilla Lee

“Any word baby” I just shake my head and slump onto the couch

“I've fuckin' lost her mom” I hold back the tears

“Oh, baby you fucked up”

“That's the thing mom, I know I didn't fuck Star. I wouldn't do that not to” she holds me tight “I fuckin' love her so much, I want her back”

“Baby she'll come home when she's ready”

“And what if she doesn’t, I can't live without her”

“Baby this pain you’re feeling she's in it to... she needs time”

“I just want her back” mom rocks me in her arms and I feel like a pussy, but my mom’s the only one who I would ever let me see like this.


Two weeks go by and there's still no word on Niya, I've managed to drink my weight in booze, had three fights one with Blaze, Cuff and Socket both Cuff and Socket are the most pissed off working with Niya every day they'd become really close, thinking of her like a little sister. But Blaze was fuckin' pissed smashing a pool cue over my back and crackin' a rib, he wasn't pissed about Niya. I mean he was upset but her was pissed because I drove my truck into his bike when I was hammered, Stryker had taken both my bike and my truck keys from me after that. He thought the Blaze was ganna kill me, it took Tiny, Stryker and Tank to pull him off of me, Razor was so fuckin' pissed he refused to let me back to the clubhouse until I got my shit together. I wasn't at that point ready to forgive myself, so I drank all day every day just to get her out of my mind.


“Colt man get the fuck up”

“What?” I try to sit up but I feel so weak and just lie back down

“Dude you’re on the fuckin' lawn get the fuck up” Stryker leans down and pulls me up

“Brother” I slur tears in my eyes

“Come on Colt man get up” he helps me into the house to my bed, I'd been stayin' at Tiny and Stryker's since Razor threw me out and most nights Stryker’s had to carry me to bed “Fuck Colt this shit has to stop man, pull your shit together you gotta be ready for when she comes home man”

“She ain't comin' back Stryker”

“Colt she's ganna come back and your ganna have your shit ready, so you can prove to her that your fuckin' sorry and that you’re the guy she can depend on” I look at Stryker's blurry face and feel like crying again, fuck I swear I’ve grown a fuckin' vagina.



It's been two months now and I've been so sick, I thought it was the motel, but Brandy doesn’t think so. We've spent a lot of time together and she even got me a job at the dinner she worked at a couple of blocks away at a vintage looking dinner, it was one of those railway cars that people loved, we dressed like women servers of the fifties it was very retro. Jim my new boss was amazing, well Big Jim as everyone called him and he reminded me of Razor so much. I work full time and took any shifts that need to be filled because when I got home after work, all I thought about was Colt and Star and then the tears would start again.

Every morning I would think of them and every morning I would get sick thinking about them, it was a constant circle of hell. I was working so much that I've lost at least fifteen pounds my clothes were hanging off of me, I'd been so sick that Brandy really started to worry giving me the address of the free clinic in town. I finally gave in when I started to feel really dizzy at work and Jim sent me home and now, I'm sitting here waiting to see a doctor.

“Miss Stevens” a nurse calls and I follow her to a room

“The doctor will be in in a minute” she smiles, I smile back with the fakest smile I could put on trying to pretend I was fine and not crumbling inside. The door opens and a pretty Asian woman walks in

“Hello I'm Dr Lee, how can I help you today”

“I've been sick the past few weeks, I just can't seem to keep anything down”

“Tell me what the symptoms are and we can work from there”

“I've been really nauseous I can't keep anything down, I've lost loads of weight, I can't sleep, I'm emotional and I'm tired but that maybe because I haven't been sleeping”