Redemption:Slick Rock 18(8)By: Becca Van
She had to keep telling herself that she’d only end up experiencing grief again, but her body just didn’t seem to get the message.
Enya rubbed at her tired burning eyes and sighed as she pushed those three men from her thoughts. It was Friday and she had the whole weekend off. Tomorrow she was going to clean the small bungalow type house she was leasing and catch up on laundry. Sunday she’d been invited to a barbecue at Delta’s and while she wanted to go, she was still undecided on whether she would. The only time she spent with other people was when she was working and while she got very lonely sometimes, she was always concerned she would say or do something wrong to upset someone.
Growing up the way she had wasn’t what she’d term as normal and although she tried to be polite at all times, sometimes she was worried that the whole sordid story of her childhood years would come pouring out of her mouth. She was scared if she started, she wouldn’t be able to stop and she knew that she would end up breaking down.
Enya worried that once that locked door in her mind opened, she’d never be able to close it again. She was so on edge she was beginning to imagine things and wondered if she was starting to crack up.
Her exhaustion had to be causing her paranoia. The dreams had returned and no matter how hard she tried to stop them, they wouldn’t.
She’d thought she was over all her childhood horrors and angst, but it seemed she was wrong.
Logically, she knew that talking with someone would probably help, but she didn’t have the money to waste on a psychologist or counselor. After paying Delta what she owed for her share of the partnership in the diner and the rent, she barely had enough money left over to buy food. Thankfully, she was good at making things stretch and she made fulfilling meals from vegetables and generic brands of pasta. She couldn’t afford to buy meat since she needed to pay her utility bills and there was never any money left over.
She’d been thinking about asking Delta and Violet about leasing the small apartment above the diner, but before she’d had the chance, Jaylynn had asked. The other woman looked as if she needed the place more than Enya did, so she kept her mouth shut about her own plans and had agreed for Jaylynn to lease it instead.
After showering and changing into some sweats and a tank, she hurried to the kitchen and tried to figure out what to cook herself for dinner. When she saw the packages of ramen noodles, she grabbed one and cut up a few vegetables to toss in the wok. She sautéed them and added some sweet soy sauce, Worcestershire sauce and then added the softened noodles and the flavoring. A few minutes later she was sitting on the lone stool and eating her meal.
Just as she finished eating she glanced out the kitchen window and frowned when she thought she saw a shadow move. She squinted her eyes and stared for a long while, but when she didn’t see anything, she once more put what she’d thought she’d seen down to her fears.
These suspicions were getting more frequent and even though she didn’t have the money to spend on medical bills, maybe she should talk to someone before she completely lost her mind.
After cleaning up the kitchen, she moved to the small living room and the secondhand recliner chair and the stack of secondhand romance novels she’d picked up at a garage sale and began to read.
Enya had no idea how long she’d been reading but she glanced up when the hair on her nape stood on end. She shivered with trepidation and shoved to her feet. She hurried through the small two-bedroom house checking all the windows and closets, making sure the doors and windows were locked and that no one had gotten in while she’d been distracted.
She was definitely losing her mind. There was no one here but her.
A quick glance at her watch told her it was later than she thought and she was so tired, she could hardly keep her eyes open. She grabbed the book from the arm of the chair and walked toward her bedroom and got ready for bed. A sigh of despondency escaped her lips as she stared down at the mattress on the floor. It was water stained since it was a factory second and while it had been a steal at only a hundred dollars, it wasn’t the most comfortable mattress. It didn’t matter that it had never been slept on besides her. It was one of the hardest mattresses she’d ever had. Enya would have preferred a saggy bed rather than a hard as rock one, but beggars couldn’t be choosers.